Through It All
by its danielle
Summary: SEQUEL TO YOU CAN: Brice comes back, but will everything be waiting for her like she expected it to?
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, start of something new.**

They say time flies when you're having fun.

But, when that time is spent apart from the person who holds your heart—fun isn't word I'd use to describe it.

A year.

It's been a year since I've seen the boys.

It's been hard. I've spent my time all over the place, the mountains, beaches, New York, The Great Lakes, North, South, East, West, everywhere.

I've done a lot of soul searching, a lot of rebuilding, working on my life. I've felt ready to go back to him. I've wanted to go back to him, but I was scared. More than anything I wanted to run back to him and everything just be perfect. But, I knew it wouldn't be the same, and that scared me. And, with every thought I had to go home, something was holding me back. There was still something I needed that I hadn't discovered yet.

I've been talking to Nick, calling him from random places on the road. He won't tell me about Joe. He tells me about the band and what they're doing but not Joe. He says if I want to know things about Joe, I have to ask him myself.

At first, I was mad at Nick. Mad that he wouldn't tell me how he was doing. How he was handling it, but the more I talked to him, the more I couldn't be mad and couldn't expect him to fill me in on everything because I left, if Nick wouldn't have walked in that day, I would have no link to them at all. Long story short, Nick was right…like always.

Nick also finally broke down one day and told me how horrible he felt for talking to me, telling me the guilt that he had building up inside of him because he was still talking to the girl that broke his brother's heart and is still breaking it everyday she's away from him. I'd cried a lot that week and the conversation haunted me for a long time. I had relentlessly apologized, but he said he was dealing with it and he was glad he at least knew I was okay.

I decided two days ago that it was time for me to go home. I was in Florida, laid out on the beach, listening to the radio. I smiled when I heard the familiar tune fill my ears.

It was a song Joe and only Joe had released just a month after I had left. Not the Jonas Brothers, but Joe Jonas. It became my anthem and it gave me hope, it let me know that he was there, he was there for me and he cared.. I had talked to Nick about it who said that Joe knew that a song was the only way he could connect with me, his only form of communication, and just hoping I heard it.

And I did. It kept me going.

I can see it in your eyes, you're scared  
All these things they force you to do aren't fair  
I'm here to chase away these tears  
And baby we can chase away these fears

(Because)sometimes baby you fall on your back  
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have  
And you know, you know it's true  
This is a fight I refuse to lose

And I'll run (and I'll run)  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone  
And I'll run (and I'll run)  
This is where we both break free  
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)

I can hear it in your voice, you care  
Let me run my fingers through your hair  
I'll keep you company at night  
And baby I'm here to make this right

(Because) sometimes baby you fall on your back  
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have  
And you know, you know it's true  
This is a fight I refuse to lose

And I'll run (and I'll run)  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone  
And I'll run (and I'll run)  
This is wear we both break free  
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)

Believe me and don't think twice  
And don't leave me or say goodbye  
Believe me, believe me tonight  
Believe me and don't think twice  
Believe me

And I'll run  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone

And I'll run (and I'll run)  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone  
And I'll run (and i'll run)  
This is where we both break free  
I'll bring (i'll bring) you home (you home, you home)

Have a little faith in me  
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)  
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)  
If you have a little faith in me

Immediately after the song ended, there was a public announcement, at least the 50th one I'd heard today, telling me that there was a Category 4 hurricane headed that way and by the end of the week, mostly all of Florida would be evacuated.

It was then that I had the epiphany I had been waiting for. That no matter what I did, there were things out there that were bigger than me. Things that I had no control over. Things that no matter what, nature would take its course and it would either plow into you or take another path and leave you untouched and unharmed. You just had to have faith and either way, everything would fall into place.

I don't know if it was the hurricane analogy or if my mind finally caught up with my thoughts or what, but I finally understood that I had to take the risk and make my own happiness and that Joe and the love that I felt for him, it was bigger than me and it would take over and happen anyway, I just had to let it, have faith in love, have faith in Joe, have faith in myself.

I jumped up, tears pouring down my face, I'd finally found it, I'd found what I was looking for, everything that it was buried under deep within me, I'd found the self love I was looking for and now I was ready…now it was time.

I fled to my car and I've been driving ever since. I had just entered California, just mere hours from home when something on the radio caught my interest. Well more of the name than anything.

"So Joe's released this song, the second song he's released without his brothers. Now in a recent interview he said he's had it written for a while but wasn't ready to release it, and that now he's let some things go, got his life going back on track and he's releasing some of the best songs he's ever written, he's even releasing an EP which is a half CD with some of the songs he's written, his brothers doing the music, of course."

What? Why hadn't Nick told me about this?

"And I'd have to agree Dee, I mean these songs are so deep and seem to tell a story, which it could be anyone but, man. Sounds like someone hurt him."

"You got that right, and this song pretty much takes the cake, it's a downer, I mean you can just here it in his voice."

My heart dropped and my spirits came crashing down. Of course he was hurt. I left. I left without a goodbye. And then, the thought that never crossed my mind before seeped into my mind and stuck there.

What if he didn't wait for me?

What if he couldn't forgive me?

What if he moved on?

What if he didn't want me anymore?

"Well, that one's for sure…Here it is, newly released by Joe Jonas, called Stay Gone."

He wanted to communicate with me, he got it. This right here, right now, would make or break it. A sad acoustic tune filled my ears and the tears once again welled in my eyes, this was it. The beginning of something new, or the end—the end of it all.

I've found peace of mind, I'm feeling good again  
I'm on the other side, back among the living  
Ain't a cloud in the sky  
All my tears have been cried  
And I can finally say

Baby baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

I still love you and I will forever  
We can't hide the truth  
We know each other better  
When we try to make it work  
We both end up hurt  
It's not supposed to be that way

Baby baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

When we try to make it work  
We both end up hurt  
Love ain't supposed to be that way

So baby baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In ooh in God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone.

I pulled on the side of the road after the first verse…stay gone? He wanted me to stay gone? He loved me but he wanted me to stay gone? I was sobbing in my hands after the first chorus, the weight of his sad words pushing down on me and I felt my breath coming in shallow gasps, tears pouring down my face.

He made it clear.

It was done.

He was done.

**Alright, I know, 2 songs right?**

**well i had to find some way to incorporate Joe's feelings while she was gone...so that's the only way i could think of...**

**let me know what you think loves :)**

**Songs: I'll Run - The Cab & Stay Gone - Jimmy Wayne**


	2. Chapter 2

The song ended and I forced myself to take deep breaths while I slowly pulled back onto the road, I heard the DJ announcing that the Joe Jonas EP entitled Without A Goodbye was in stores now. I sobbed harder and knew the whole thing was about me.

I pulled off the freeway and to a gas station, parking and hurrying to the payphone, dialing the familiar number. After several rings I heard him answer.

"Yeah?"

"Nick." I sobbed.

"What's the matter?!" He became alert. "Are you okay?"

"No." I sobbed, "W-why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Joe!" I yelled, "H-he doesn't want me."

"Um." He got uncomfortable. "I told you I wasn't talking about that."

I grabbed the bridge of my nose, "I-I'm on the way home." I whispered.

"You are?" His voice picked up.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"I'm proud of you." He said softly.

"Can you come and see me?" I asked quietly.

"Well—ugh we're actually staying in LA so we can record and stuff…" He trailed off.

"Oh." I didn't try to hide the disappointment in my voice.

"We're coming out there at the end of the week, though." He added quickly.

"Oka—"

I couldn't finish because I heard him. I heard his beautiful melodic voice that sent a shiver through my spine.

"Nick—are you coming dude? We gotta finish this up."

"Yeah—hey ugh I have to go but—"

"Nick." I whispered, "Please just let me listen to him."

I felt the tears sliding down my face.

"Hey Joe—um—what was that joke again?"

"What?"

Nick laughed, "You know man—that joke you were telling Kevin—I didn't hear it."

"Oh yeah! Okay, What do you call a judge with no thumbs?"

"I felt a smile pulling at my face, just hearing his warm voice.

"I don't know." I heard Nick sigh.

"Justice fingers." He laughed. "Get it…just his fingers!"

Nick laughed, "Wow Joe."

"Bye Nick." I choked.

"See you soon." He promised.

I hung up and fell into the wall, letting my hands cover my face, and letting out all of my tears.

He was fine, he was just fine without me, and here I was, completely broken.

I got in the car and drove to the nearest music store and found Joe's EP. I locked it in my trunk for fear that I'd listen to it in the car and completely break down. So I drove the 2 hours and finally made it to my house.

I surveyed the outside, seeing it hadn't changed much. The grass was cut and the flower beds perfect and I wondered if the boys had done it for me or if Mr. O'Callaghan got his landscaper to do it.

I stood on the driveway, staring at the dark, empty house next door, everything flooding into my mind. The realization of how much I really missed them, how much I ached for their presence in my life, hit me hard. I drug my eyes away and pulled everything from the car, walking onto my porch.

I slipped my key into the lock and let the door swing open, dropping all of my belongings on the floor. I looked around the house and sighed. The last time I was here I was with Joe. One of his hoodies still hung over the back of a kitchen chair. A pair of his sneakers were piled at the bottom of the stairs.

He was everywhere.

I pulled the CD from the wrapper and stuck it in my entertainment center. I slipped on his hoodie, hugging it to me, smelling his familiar scent that triggered every moment I'd ever spent with him. That smell, just his smell left me wanting more. I wanted to feel his arms around me, and listen to him whispering in my ear, my lips ached for his and my mind begged to hear his voice and see his smile.

The first song was I'll Run. I listened through the whole thing fully and curled up into the couch. As the songs went on, I'm Afraid of Losing You, I'd Find You, Hope, When You Left Me, When I Close My Eyes, and finally Stay Gone, my ache for him grew. I finally had an idea of how much he was hurting.

I pushed repeat on the remote and laid there for hours, listening to the songs over and over again. His voice. It was worth the pain if I got to hear his voice. I cried myself sick. My head was pounding and my throat burned. Sobs no longer left my body, I was too weak even for that. Tears resumed a never ending cycle down my cheeks and I couldn't make it stop.

My whole chest ached. This was all too much for me. I was better. I left to make myself better for him and because I did that, he moved on. He left me behind. Sure, I was stronger now, but without him, I was nothing.

I heard the screen door from the back door slam in the kitchen and I didn't attempt to move, not caring who it was. If it was someone out to hurt me…let them. Anything has got to feel better than the feeling of someone ripping your heart out.

"I'll call the police!" I heard someone call.

"Breaking and entering is a felony!"

I pulled myself into a sitting position and looked over the back of the couch, seeing him standing in the middle of the kitchen, cautiously looking around.

My eyes went wide and I let out a small gasp.

His eyes quickly darted to mine, they widened and his mouth dropped. He stepped into the living room, not blinking once.

"B-Brice?" He stuttered out, obviously no trusting what his eyes saw.


	3. Chapter 3

**For those of you interested:**

**these are the track listings for Joe's EP, Without A Goodbye.**

**Just so you can get a feel for what's going through his head...**

**and why Brice is extremely upset.**

**1. I'll Run**

I can see it in your eyes, you're scared  
All these things they force you to do aren't fair  
I'm here to chase away these tears  
And baby we can chase away these fears

(Because)sometimes baby you fall on your back  
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have  
And you know, you know it's true  
This is a fight I refuse to lose

And I'll run (and I'll run)  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone  
And I'll run (and I'll run)  
This is where we both break free  
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)

I can hear it in your voice, you care  
Let me run my fingers through your hair  
I'll keep you company at night  
And baby I'm here to make this right

(Because) sometimes baby you fall on your back  
But girl you're three times the lady I'll ever have  
And you know, you know it's true  
This is a fight I refuse to lose

And I'll run (and I'll run)  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone  
And I'll run (and I'll run)  
This is wear we both break free  
I'll bring you home (you home, you home)

Believe me and don't think twice  
And don't leave me or say goodbye  
Believe me, believe me tonight  
Believe me and dont think twice  
Believe me

And I'll run  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone

And I'll run (and I'll run)  
Have a little faith in me  
You're scared and alone  
And I'll run (and i'll run)  
This is where we both break free  
I'll bring (i'll bring) you home (you home, you home)

Have a little faith in me  
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)  
Have a little faith in me (have a little faith, have a little faith)  
If you have a little faith in me

**2. I'm Afraid of Losing You**

don't know how to speak for anyone but myself.  
You see darling there is nothing I can say that will save you anyways.  
I'll scream loud at the top of my lungs tonight,  
'Cause you know you will always be my light,  
Shooting stars could never be this bright  
Do you know you will always be my light?

Screaming out your name, I'm not used to this,  
there's no turning back, there's no going home.

I won't breathe until you just tell me everything is alright,  
I am not scared of losing this,  
I'm afraid of losing you,  
I'm sorry that this will not end,  
But I can't find the strength to speak,  
'cause on the calender of your events I'm last week...

Keep your eyes closed and we'll make it through another day alive,  
but if we sit here thinking we are just wasting precious time.  
So insted of thinking that were dead lets take apart what we have left,  
Lay it out in front of us and take the things that we don't trust...

Screaming out your name, I'm not used to this,  
there's no turning back, there's no going home...

I wont breath until you just tell me everything's alright,  
I'm not scared of losing this  
I'm afraid of losing you  
I'm sorry that this will not end  
But I can't find the strength to speak  
Cuz on the calender of your events  
I'm last week...

I don't know how to speak for anyone but myself.  
You see darling there is nothing I can say that will save you anyways.

I wont breath until you tell me everything is alright,  
I'm not scared of losing this  
I'm afraid of losing you  
I'm sorry this will not end  
But I can't find the strength to speak 'cuz on the calender of your events  
I'm last week...

**3. Hope**

Shadow walks faster than you  
You don't really know what to do  
Do you think that you're not alone?  
You really think that you are immune to  
Its gonna get that the best of you  
Its gonna lift you up and let you down  
It will defeat you then teach you to get back up  
After it takes away all that  
You learn to love

Your reflection is a blur  
Out of focus  
But in confusion  
The frames are suddenly burnt  
And in the end of a roll of illusion  
A ghost waiting its turn  
Now I can see right through  
It's a warning that nobody heard

It will teach you to love what you're afraid of  
After it takes away all that  
You learn to love  
But you don't  
Always  
Have to hold your head  
Higher than your heart

You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better be hoping you're not so...  
Du du rut  
Hope you're not alone  
Hmm hmm humm

Your -  
Your echo comes back out of tune  
Now you can quite get used to it  
Reverb is just a room  
The problem is that there's no truth to it  
It's fading way too soon  
The shadow is on the move  
And maybe you should be moving too  
Before it takes away all that you learned to love  
It will defeat you and then teach you to get back up  
Cause you don't  
Always  
Have to hold your head  
Higher than your heart

You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better be hoping you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not alone  
You better hope you're not so...

Better hope you're not alone  
Hmmm hmm hmmm  
Hope

**4. I'd Find You**

In a crowd, in the dark  
I would walk straight to your heart  
Without any hesitation  
Every turn, every town  
Every highway I go down  
Baby, you're my destination  
And even if nowhere was where every road lead me to

I'd find you  
I'd find you  
In the day or the night, in the black or the white  
In the red of a rose of the depths of the ocean blue  
I'd find you

Even if you and I  
Never met, still I know I'd find  
You among the millions  
It's beyond my control  
Like a magnet pullin' my soul  
Across the great division  
And even if I lost my way in this world I walk through

I'd find you  
I'd find you  
In the day or the night, in the black or the white  
In the red of a rose of the depths of the ocean blue  
I'd find you

All my life I need you next to me  
'Cause in your eyes I see my destiny  
And I'd find you  
Yeah I'd find you  
In the face of a child, in the warmth of a smile  
On the first day of spring when the flowers grow wild  
Every song ever sung about bein' in love  
Every kiss, every hug, every touch  
Anytime, anyplace, in the whole human race  
In the sweet memories and the ones yet to be  
In the wrong and the right and the beauty that lies in the truth  
I'd find you  
Yeah I'd find you

**5. When You Left Me**

When you left me I was inside  
Of my head for a year  
All the memories that were broken  
Deeply buried there  
Was my heart lost in the chaos  
Never to be found

When you left me I got older  
I had all but died  
I was weak and out of breath  
I could not read at night  
How you kissed me  
burned into my skin  
Every moment worlds  
Find more Lyrics at /7Qe  
were crumbling in

I can still hear every whisper  
I can taste your lips  
Just your heartbeat and I quiver  
I can picture this  
All the colours  
bleeding from the page  
Just like water pouring down my face

When you left me nothing mattered  
All my life undone  
Only stillness only quiet  
Not one ray of sun

When you left me  
When you left me  
When you left me  
When you left me  
When you left me  
When you left me

**6. When I Close My Eyes**

There's so many things  
I didn't say  
And even though  
It may be too late  
I want you to know  
I still love you so  
Every car I meet  
Looks like your car  
Every movie I see  
You play the leading part  
You're on my mind  
Can't leave you behind

When I close my eyes  
You're all I see  
In the dark of night  
You're in my dreams  
Throughout the day  
You're easy to find  
You're always there  
When I close my eyes

In my mind I know  
You're far away  
But here in my heart  
Nothing has changed  
I'm still holdin' you  
Like I used to  
On a busy street  
In a crowded room  
Wherever I go  
It's just me and you  
Together again  
Girl it never ends

When I close my eyes  
You're all I see  
In the dark of night  
You're in my dreams  
Throughout the day  
You're easy to find  
You're always there  
When I close my eyes

You're always there  
When I close my eyes

**7. Stay Gone**

I found piece of mind I'm feeling good again  
I'm on the other side  
Back among the living  
Ain't a cloud in the sky  
All my tears have been cried  
And I can finally say

So baby,baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

I still love you and I will forever  
We can't hide the truth  
We know each other better  
When we try to make it work  
We both end up hurt  
And it ain't supposed to be that way

So baby,baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

When you try to make it work  
We both end up hurt  
Love ain't supposed to be this way

So baby,baby stay  
Stay right where you are  
I like it this way  
It's good for my heart  
I haven't felt like this  
In God knows how long  
I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

I know everything's gonna be okay  
If you just stay gone

**Songs:****  
****1. I'll Run - The Cab****  
****2. I'm Afraid of Losing You - A Rocket To The Moon****  
****3. Hope - Jack Johnson****  
****4. I'd Find You - Chris Cagle****  
****5. When You Left Me - Jann Arden****  
****6. When I Close My Eyes - Kenny Chesney****  
****7. Stay Gone - Jimmy Wayne**

**That was probably unimportant, but...the lyrics say it all**


	4. Chapter 4

"Kevin." I gasped.

"W-what are you—Brice—why are you here?"

I stood and shrugged, "I was re-ready to come back." I said quietly, nervously pulling on the hem of Joe's hoodie. I found myself looking over his shoulder, trying to see out the large bay window in the kitchen that faced their house.

"They're not with me." He said side stepping and catching my eye. I felt myself frown and my cheeks burning up because he had caught me.

Joe's CD started over again and I turned, focusing my attention on the stereo, another wave of tears washing down my face.

He walked around the couch and picked up the remote, turning off the CD before he wrapped his arms around me and the tears came harder. Sure, I had talked to Nick, but a hug from Kevin was like gold. Comfort washed over me and I cried into his shoulder, glad he still cared.

"Why'd you buy this?" He breathed in my ear.

"It's about me." I sobbed. "All of it…I'm horrible. Kevin…he's done."

"You're not horrible." He sighed, rubbing my back. "You did what you had to do."

"Yeah, but he—they're all so—I don't know—like he's—"

"Changed?" He suggested, pulling back to look at me, "He has…a lot." He admitted, looking away.

I furrowed my brow, looking at him expectantly.

"Brice—it's been a year. A lot of things have changed. You can't tell me you expected to come back and everything to just fall into place, can you?"

I dropped his gaze. I did hope for that. I expected it actually. I waited for him. I went away, for him. I wanted to come back and find him and everything to just pick back up. But, that obviously wasn't going to happen.

I shrugged, "I don't know…yes…I wanted it to be like that." I said sheepishly. "I've made myself better Kev. I really have. I'm so much stronger and I feel like I can fulfill a purpose."

He smiled a little and laid his hand over mine, "I'm proud of you Brice. I really am."

Those 4 words. I'm proud of you. They made my heart flutter. No one ever said those words to me. Ever. What was there to be proud of? But he was. Kevin was, and that meant everything.

I smiled and gave him an appreciative nod.

"So." He asked, sinking into the couch, "What'd you do? Where'd you go?"

"Everywhere." I sighed, plopping down next to him, glad that he wasn't scolding me, but was actually interested in what I did. "I mean with the exception of like Hawaii…and Alaska, and Canada." I smiled.

"And Mexico?" He suggested, raising his eyebrows.

"Actually…I spent a day there."

He furrowed his brow.

"Well I don't have a passport, right? So, there was a hole in the fence so I just—"

"Brice! You were an illegal alien?" He looked at me shocked, "That's illegal!!"

"I know." I laughed, "But I bought this book, okay. 100 Things To Do Before You Die and—"

"What? And one of them was be an illegal alien in a foreign country?" He laughed.

"No!" I stuck my tongue out at him, "It was do something illegal."

He shook his head, "You're unbelievable."

I nodded, "Well I pretty much lived by that book, you know, it made me try new things, gain confidence."

"That includes, but is not limited too…." He trailed off, waiting for me to finish.

I smiled, "Swimming with dolphins, ride a camel, plant a tree, bungee jump, write a novel about your life…I started that, I'm not near finished, um, play in a fountain, feed pigeons in New York, take a road trip across America, recite poetry in a café, overcome failure, accept yourself for who you are, skii, run a marathon, drive a convertible, love someone with all your heart…"

I stopped, feeling more tears on their way, "I still have 27 left, most of them are from countries or you have to be 21, so..." I choked, trying to get away from the awkwardness.

Kevin looked up at me, understanding shining in his eyes.

"So." I said after a few minutes, "What have you been up to?"

"Well I've just been trying to plan—oh—oh my god!"

"What?" I asked looking down to see if I had a huge cockroach or something crawling on me. I didn't see anything so I patted my face, "Is something on me?" I asked, starting to panic.

"Wha—no." He laughed. "No, you're good."

I sighed in relief as he continued to chuckle, slightly shaking his head.

"I just forgot—you haven't been around—I mean—you know—"

"I got it, Kev. What?"

"Okay seriously…do you remember Afton?" He smiled.

"Yeah—your girlfriend?" I recalled playing the memories of meeting her over in my head, after Joe and I had fought, and he stormed off the bus, and then I left.

He grinned, "Yeah, well she's my fiancé now."

I felt my eyes go wide and I squealed. "Kevin! When? I'm so happy for you—Congratulations!" I gushed, leaning over to hug him.

He happily returned it and pulled back, still grinning.

"Since Valentine's Day. I mean it was kind of soon and stuff, but when you know, you know. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else." His eyes lovingly glazed over as I assumed he was thinking of her.

My smile faded, I knew that feeling.

"So, when's the wedding?"

"Uhm, actually, this weekend."

"What?!"

"Yeah." He confirmed.

"3 days?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded, "That's why I'm here, dropping off the tuxes. All the guys are getting ready here Saturday."

"Oh my God."

I was going to murder Nick. Absolutely murder him. Oh yeah we'll be back from LA at the end of the week, Brice. Hello? Ever think to mention it's so you can have Kevin's wedding!?

"Well, now that your back…you have to come!" He said excitedly.

Considering Joe was his brother, I figured he'd have some part of the wedding, at least be there.

"Um—I don't know if that's such a great idea."

"Wha—why?—Ah, don't answer that." He winced. "Brice, you're my friend, one of the best. I WANT you to be there. I would have told you sooner if I could've." He cut his eyes at me.

Oh, if only he knew what his little brother had been doing. Talking to me behind both of his brother's backs.

"I just, don't think I'm ready to—"

"No way. Hold up. Hold up. You're not ready? What's all this bullshit about I'm stronger Kevin? Brice, he may be a lot of things, but believe me, over you is not one of them—Anyway Joe doesn't matter. This isn't about him. It's about me. Now are you going to be there for me, or not?"

I let my jaw drop, sure, Joe would call me out on my bullshit, but Kevin? Never. I knew he felt strongly about this and he said Joe wasn't over me, that put butterflies in my stomach and I smiled thinking maybe something was still there.

And Kevin was right. They always were. The Jonases were always right…always! Damn them.

I needed to be there for Kevin. This was something special to him and I'd be there to witness it.

"I'll be there." I smiled at him reassuring him. "I feel like I owe it to you. For everything I've missed."

"Really?" He grinned. "You'll really come?"

"Yes Kevin." I smiled. "I'll really come."

He pulled me up into a hug. "Thank you Brice."

I smiled into his shoulder. I had Kevin back. It almost felt like I hadn't even left…he was still the same Kevin.

We made our way to the kitchen and he scribbled down his wedding details on a scrap piece of paper.

"Promise you'll come?" He asked, locking his eyes on mine.

"Promise." I confirmed.

He smiled and wrapped me in a hug once more.

"I'm so glad your back Brice."

I smiled, "Me too, Kev…me too."

He walked out onto the porch. "Kevin!" I called through the screen door.

He turned around, "Yeah?"

"Please. Don't tell him I'm—"

He shook his head, "I would never."

I smiled slightly, "See ya." I waved.

"Saturday." He said as if reminding me so I wouldn't forget…or back out.

"Saturday." I smiled.

What have I gotten myself into?


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up early. Really early. I couldn't sleep.

Not only was Kevin getting married, but Joe would be there. Joe who had no idea I was in the remote area, much less next door to him the entire day.

I felt pathetic. Sitting in my kitchen, the house dark, the blinds barely open, watching for just a glimpse of him.

I watched as several cars pulled up into the driveway of their house, everyone getting out one by one, all of them talking and laughing with eachother. My eyes locked onto every door that opened, hoping to catch a peek of his tan skin and dark hair that hung over his eye, and his captivating brown eyes that could make me weak in the knees. Him. I just wanted to see him.

Then it happened, a Range Rover pulled up and he hopped out the driver's side. My breath caught in my throat and I laid my hand against the window, in a desperate attempt to display how much I wanted to just touch him. I felt a smile tug at my lips when he lagged behind everyone and he turned, staring at my house.

His eyes scanned over every window, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, dropping his head to stare at his shoes, slightly shaking his head and walking towards the house.

Even he couldn't deny the longing shining in his eyes.

There was hope.

I sat there until the stretch limo pulled up and they all piled out of the house and into their transportation. He once again took my breath away, his long hair not fully straightened, just how I liked it, clad in a tux, and everything from his bow tie to his socks were absolutely perfect.

I hurried up the stairs and made the decision that tonight, I had to look drop dead gorgeous. Remind him of who I was, show off the new and improved me.

My hair had gotten longer and considerably lighter from the sunlight. My skin held a deep tan that I'd gained from all the sun I soaked up while I was gone so I chose a black, strapless minidress that showed off my freckled shoulders and fell about mid-thigh, complementing my glowing legs and a pair of black, gladiator sandals that wrapped around my ankle.

I showered and took my time perfectly blow drying my hair into its natural long waves, putting just enough product in to make them stay that way for the whole night. I kept my makeup light but took the time to carefully outline my blue eyes with some eyeliner and filled my eyelashes with mascara.

I carefully put on my dress, careful not to mess up my hair or makeup and slid on my shoes, before standing in front of the mirror.

"Lookin' good." I smirked. What am I saying? I slapped a hand to my forehead. "You're so vainnn." I sung into the mirror, turning to spray perfume on my neck and wrists.

I was a wreck on the way.

"Okay Brice, chill."

I looked in the rear view mirror.

"Your going to be fine." I spoke to my reflection.

I was on the way to the church that was just on the outskirts of LA, trying to convince myself that this would be fine and no one would go over the top and freak out because I was there. And I didn't just mean anyone…I meant Joe, but…yeah.

As I neared the church, the knots in the pit of my stomach were enough to make me want to throw up. This was a bad idea…this was a really bad idea. Why did I let Kevin talk me into this?

Right This is about Kevin, not Joe…I am here for Kevin. Kevin is getting married. Its about Kevin. This whole day is for Kevin.

I groaned. I couldn't make myself believe that. As much as I wanted to only think about Kevin, I couldn't because who was going to be there? Joe.

Joe.

Oh God.

I couldn't do this.

I can't do this.

Then turn around Brice.

I can't. I can't make myself do it.

Ugh, I'm driving myself insane. Breathe…just breathe.

I took a deep breath and realized I had managed to make it into the parking lot of the church.

"Okay. You got this." I breathed. "You have every right to be here…why? Kevin is your friend and he's getting married. Support. Friends support. Yes? Yes." I confirmed.

I'm having a nervous breakdown.

It's official.

--

I chose the seat closest to the back. I figured Joe would be up front and him spotting me while Kevin was trying to get through his vows…eh, not a good idea.

The entire wedding party made it down the aisle without any of them catching a glimpse of me. Thank God.

Afton sauntered down the aisle and we all stood, she looked beautiful, and Kevin's face when those doors opened…It was like when your six and you bound down the stairs on Christmas Day and there in the living room is the pony you've always dreamt of, and as unrealistic of a present that is, the joy on his face is what I'd imagine that would be like. The kind of joy I wish I could see present on my own face.

I let my eyes drift to the left and they stopped, as if frozen in place on Joe. I had managed to keep my eyes away from him because I knew that when I gave my eyes the pleasure of looking at him, there was no turning back, he'd be the focus of my attention for the rest of the time.

Of course it happened.

The ceremony went by quickly. Everything went perfect. They said their 'I do's' and exchanged rings and Kevin got to kiss his bride and the entire congregation was introduced to Mr. and Mrs. Kevin Jonas II.

The wedding party made their way back down the aisle and everyone stood, clapping and congratulating them.

I blended into the crowd and followed the mass of people out the doors, into an airy tent set up. I walked in and my jaw dropped. The entire middle was a dance floor that was outlined with tables, set up with food. It was going on dusk and the candles were lit, a healthy glow casting inside the tent.

I was too caught up in oogling the decorations, I jumped when I felt a firm grip on my shoulder. I cringed and slowly turned.

"Oh, Nick." I sighed, leaning in to hug him. "How are you?" I asked my voice bitter, I was still angry about him not being completely honest with me.

He shrugged, "Um, I'm alright."

"Yeah, well you have some explaining to do later. But right now…I see my new friend, Mr. Open Bar."

"Brice." Nick said warningly.

"I got this." I smirked.

--

"NICK!" I latched my arms around his neck and his slid around my waist, our bodies swaying to the music.

"So when you said I got this. You meant I got this, I'm going to get totally wasted, not I got this I know my limit, right?"

I shrugged, "I love you Nick!" I spoke loudly over the music, "You're my best friend!"

He laughed, "I know, Brice…I love you too."

Run DMC's Bust a Move came on and I squealed, "Nick! Seriously…this is the greatest song EVER!"

I pulled him to the middle of the dance floor and let myself loose. I danced solo, not realizing Nick wasn't with me anymore. I saw him standing to the side and pointed at him, faking casting a fishing pole and 'reeled' him in. He surprisingly played along and I pulled out every old school, cheesy dance move in the book, Nick joining me in everything I did.

By the end of the song, Nick and I were dancing solo in the middle of a small clearing, everyone around us laughing and watching. I finished off with the running man and grabbed Nick's hand, making him bow with me. I pulled him into a hug, giggling to myself. I heard him laughing in my ear as his arms wrapped around my back.

I opened my eyes and felt them almost bulge out of my head. The small clearing was filling with people and their partners again, dancing to a new song, but there, standing by himself, 2 cups in his hand was him, his eyes big and his jaw slightly dropped.

I squeezed Nick a little tighter, my fingers clenching his jacket.

Oh, fuck.


	6. Chapter 6

I've always been told that in situations where you're extremely scared or nervous or something's happening that's life threatening or life altering, you sober right up and are suddenly able to make a clear decent thought or decision…

Well, in the case of Brice McDonald…that is not at all true.

I stepped back from Nick, trying to steady myself and did the only thing that could go down in history as dumbest thing to ever do in an awkward situation…EVER.

I waved.

Yes. Waved. Like an idiot.

I knew my eyes were hooded and unfocused and I probably wasn't waving at him rather than the general area he was in. Maybe my head was clearer than I thought, because I felt my feet making an effort to push past people and get to him.

His face still held the same expression and as I got closer, his eyes just got more and more round, flittering from me to something over my shoulder which I only assumed to be Nick.

I was maybe four steps away from him when a petite blonde attached to his side, lifting the glass from his left hand and pecking his cheek, smiling up at him. I stopped dead in my tracks, noticing that also missing from his left wrist was the black bracelet he had that matched the one I had that he had gotten me for my birthday. I let my fingers trail down my arm to the red one that adorned my wrist and felt stupid and foolish for keeping it on.

He looked down to see my new object of focus, his eyes leaving mine for a few seconds. It was only then that I noticed the girl at his side. Her all too familiar blonde hair, and fake smile.

I looked from him to her and back, feeling my jaw begin to hang. I made my eyes blink and forced them open…she was there. She really was. I narrowed my eyes at her malicious smile and looked back to Joe, tears filling my eyes, and my whole body tensing.

Drunk or sober…this was it…reality was hitting, and it was hitting hard.

I spun on my heel, stumbling in the process and for the first time tonight, regretting ever taking those shots of tequila.

Nick appeared in front of me, his eyes worried. "Brice." He spoke softly.

I waved him off and headed for the doors leading outside. He grabbed my wrist, "Please, don't do anything stupid."

I shook my head and looked towards the doors, "Air…I need to breathe."

He attempted a smile and gave my hand a squeeze, letting me head towards the doors again.

I burst out the doors into the cool night and like everything building up inside of me, I knew I was going to be sick. I walked to the side of the building and placed one hand on my stomach, and tangling the other in my hair, trying to keep it out of my face, the alcohol burning just as bad on the way back up.

I felt a warm hand on my back and stayed hunched over while accepted that bottle of water and rinsing my mouth out a few times and then took a few swigs. I opened my purse and pulled out a piece of Big Red, popping it into my mouth.

"Nick." I croaked out. "I'm so stupid." I said to the ground, not wanting to stand up and make myself sick again.

I saw him take a step back from behind me, "I thought I could to this but I can't. I can't be around him like this…it hurts too much."

"Brice."

I stood up straight, still not turning around. Why would he be out here? He has someone else inside. No I'm drunk…that's Nick. Nick is the only person who would come after me. I just want to hear his voice. Right?

I turned around slowly. Wrong. It was him. Standing in front of me an extremely uncomfortable bewildered look on his face. I opened my mouth to say something…say anything, but he spoke first.

"Brice, what are you doing here?"

Wasn't expecting that. How about are you okay? I mean I know you just threw up everything in your body, how do you feel?

I stared down at my feet, tears silently sliding down my face at the realization that this conversation was going to happen right now.

"I-I don't know…I got home and Kevin was at your house and he saw the lights on so he came to see what was going on, and I was there and he—just—he told me he was getting married—and wanted me to come…so um—I—here I am." I shrugged.

"How long have you been back?"

"A few days."

"How many?"

"Four." I said quietly.

"And you didn't call me?" The sound of his voice caused me to look up. He looked hurt and betrayed.

"Joe, it's pretty obvious that it's a good thing I didn't."

"Why?" He asked confused.

I shook my head, the anger now catching up with me. "Jase, Joe? Really? Jase!" I raised my voice. He stared at me, his eyes going a little wider. "I mean I guess I saw it coming all along, but I didn't think you'd actually—"

"You left me!!" He yelled. My breath hitched and I was taken back. "YOU left ME, damn it. What did you expect?"

"I—I—I don't know—" I stuttered.

"Did you just think that you could come back and I'd be sitting around waiting on you? You never called. You never let me know you were okay. You left me a note. A fucking note Brice—"

"I couldn't!" I yelled over his voice, tears pouring down my face now. "I couldn't tell you goodbye, you would have tried to stop me, and I would have stated for you, you could have talked me out of it. You know you could have and you know you would have!"

The look on his face told me he understood, but the look in his eyes told me he didn't want to understand…and that's the part that scared me.

"Brice." He said in a low, cold voice. "You left me, just like your dad left you…"

All the breath left my body…why would he ever bring that up? He knows that's a sore subject. How could he ever compare me to him?

"You left without even saying goodbye. You let me think everything was okay and then you wrote me a note, packed all your shit and left." He sneered. "Do you have any idea what I went through after you left? Not knowing if you were okay, or if you had enough to eat or a place to sleep, or if you were even fucking alive."

I sucked in a breath and looked away from him.

"I'm sorry." I choked, "It's something I had to do."

"Sorry doesn't fix a thing. Did you forgive your dad when he said sorry?"

"That's different!" I sobbed.

"No! It's not…It's the same…someone you love walked out on you…it still hurts and it still takes everything you have not to drive yourself crazy. How could you ever do that to me? You know what it feels like being left, why would you ever want me to feel that way?"

"I would never…you know that." I whispered.

"Actually, I don't know that—"

I didn't want to hear anymore. Just the thought that he didn't know that I cared about him was enough to make me sick.

I wiped my face and pushed past him, letting the tears soaking my face once more, and finally freeing the sobs I was holding back.

I squatted to the ground and riffled through my purse, trying to find my keys. The thick tears blocked my vision but I finally felt the cold metal in my hand. I stood up and stumbled past the entrance to the reception hall.

"What do you think your doing?"

"I—I'm going home."

"Not like that, your not." He grabbed for my keys but I backed away. "Come on Brice, you're drunk."

"Leave me alone, Joe! It's not like you fucking care."

"Brice! You can tell yourself whatever you want, but this is your fault!"

I covered my face with my hands and cried harder than I ever thought possible. I heard the door slam and thought he had gone inside. Two arms wrapped around me and I looked up to see Nick. I sunk into him and hung onto him for dear life wrapping my arms tightly around his shoulders. He was glaring at Joe, but he spoke again, as if Nick wasn't even there,

"You left and you lost me." He growled.

"Joe! Go back inside, damn it!" Nick yelled, pointing at the door.

I let out a sob, feeling myself breakdown a little more every second.

Before Joe turned around he turned his attention to Nick, "Make sure you hide the razors when you take her home."

I stopped dead. Nick didn't know about that. No one knew about that. Nick looked down at me, his face pale and I shrugged his arms off, storming up to Joe, I stopped mere inches from him and lifted my right hand letting it smack directly on his cheek leaving a red handprint.

His face was stunned, but in his eyes I knew that he was ashamed. And he should be he knew I was past that point in my life. I promised him I wouldn't do it again, and even though we obviously weren't together anymore, I was keeping that promise but no longer for him, more for myself.

I looked up into his eyes, trying to search for the Joe that I had fell in love with…the one that loved me, and would do anything for anyone. I saw no sign of that Joe so I said the words that hurt my heart even more.

"Don't EVER speak to me again." I ripped off the bracelet, feeling the clasps break and threw it at his feet. I closed my eyes, letting the tears seep out, not wanting to see his reaction, whether he was thankful that I said that or hurt by it…either one…I didn't want to know…

I spun around and opened my eyes, locating Nick and handing him my keys. He placed a hand over the small of my back and walked me to my car, helping me in the passenger's side. He silently got in the driver's seat while I cried into my hands and when we rode past the building, Joe was still outside, one hand in his pocket, the other sliding through his hair.

He looked up and made eye contact with me as we rode by and as much as I didn't want it to, I found my heart still fluttering at the sight of him and I wondered if his heart was fluttering too.


	7. Chapter 7

We pulled into the drive way and Nick made his way around the car, over to my side. He opened the door and unbuckled my seatbelt, wrapping one of my arms around his neck before he wrapped his around my waist, pulling me from the car.

Not able to pay attention to what was going on due to the buzzing of every word Joe had said to me tonight filling my head. The alcohol didn't help and the sick ache over my whole body increased, as Nick helped me to the house.

I groaned as I stumbled beside him, and up the stairs to the door. He unlocked it and half dragged me inside flipping the lock behind us.

"Upstairs?" He asked.

I nodded and pointed in the general direction I thought the stairs were in, "Mmhmm." I hummed.

He pulled me in the opposite direction that I pointed and we slowly made our way up the stairs. I fell onto my bed, my head pounding and my stomach aching. I groaned again and felt something hit the bed next to me.

I turned over and saw a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants. I stared at the shirt, reaching out and running my fingers over it.

"This is Joe's." I said softly, tears springing into my eyes.

Nick turned, and cringed.

"I'm sorry." He breathed, shoving it back in a drawer and pulling out a plain black v-neck. He held it up and I nodded, confirming that it was mine. He laid it on my bed and pulled my arms so I was in a sitting position.

"Here's your clothes." He said, placing his hands on either side of my face so my eyes would focus on him. "I'm going to get you some asprin and some water from downstairs…you get dressed, okay?"

I nodded and he stood back up, glancing down before he left the room. He kneeled down and unbuckled the small buckle on my sandals and slid them off my feet, obviously knowing I wasn't capable of doing it myself.

"Thank you." I whispered.

He smiled at me as he stood up and turned to walk out the room.

I gripped the comforter and pulled myself up, I was so dizzy, barely able to keep myself up. I pulled the dress over my head and threw it on the floor behind me. I slowly pulled the v-neck over my head that felt like it weighed 200 pounds. I reached for the sweatpants and lifted one foot off the ground trying to put it into the leg of the pants.

My attempts were unsuccessful and I ended up going crashing to the ground with a loud thud. A desperate whimper fell from my lips and felt the tears coming, knowing exactly how pathetic I was.

I didn't have the strength to get up, my pounding head, keeping me down so I just laid there, my hair sprawled out around me the cold air in the house nipping at my bare legs.

Nick appeared in the doorway a few minutes later and sighed, "Awh, Brice."

I hated that he felt obligated to care about me but I also didn't want to be here alone. He set the large glass of water and bottle of pills on the nightstand before leaning over me.

"Hey." A sympathetic smile pulled at his lips.

I tried to smile through my tears but figured I wasn't very successful.

Nick pulled me up and bent down scooping up my sweatpants. He placed my hands on his shoulders and held the pants open. I lifted my right foot and tightened my grip on his shoulders as I slipped my leg through the opening. He did the same for the other leg and he made sure my feet were through before pulling up the waistband onto my hips.

"There." He sighed, patting my sides.

I let my eyes fall closed, not able to look at the light or his worried eyes anymore.

"Thanks." I barely whispered.

He turned my body and sat me on the bed. I heard the pills shaking around in the bottle, Here." He said after a few seconds.

I half opened my eyes and took the two pills from his hand, putting them in my dry mouth. He held the cup to my lips and I took a big gulp tilting my head back when he tilted the cup farther.

He brushed the hair away from my face and pulled the covers back.

"Come on." He patted the cool sheets.

I fell over and tucked my legs under the blanket as he pulled it up to my chin, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You alright?" He asked.

I nodded, letting my eyes fall closed again.

I felt him leave the bed and him rustling around in my room. I saw it get darker from behind my eyelids and heard him in the bathroom, refilling my cup.

I heard the glass clank onto the nightstand and his footsteps fading away.

"Nick?" I called after him, my voice hoarse.

"Yeah?" He called back softly.

"Will you stay?" I muttered.

"Brice," he sighed, "I don't think that—"

"Nick, please." I heard the wavering in my voice, signaling more tears were coming and I guess he heard it too because he sighed and was quiet.

I opened my eyes a few minutes later thinking he left but saw him walking out of my closet with a pair of baggy sweatpants and an old too big camp t-shirt of mine.

He crawled onto the bed and I turned over laying my head on his chest, just needing him there to comfort me while I was:

1) Heartbroken

2) Sick.

He wrapped his arm around my back and I turned my head up to look at him. "Thanks Nick, you're the best, best friend ever, I love you." I attempted to smile and patted his chest.

I saw him smile, "Love you too, Brice."

"I think we need--talk." I mumbled, feeling myself falling asleep.

He nodded, "I think so too."

"In the morning…" I trailed off.

"In the morning." He confirmed.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ok, so so so SO sorry i haven't updated, all my other stories got deleted from this site and i'm honestly just at my wit's end. If this gets deleted i will not be reposting it here. All my stories are on mibba and if you want to read, they're all on there.**

**this site has just gotten entirely too ridiculous.**

* * *

"Here?"

Nick called from the yard, a big blanket tucked under his arm. I shook my head,

"Nah, a little to the right!" I called out to him.

He stepped to the right, "Here?"

"Wait no! Back a little more." I motioned with my hands. He took a half step back.

"Here?"

I bit my lip to hold in my laughter, "Umm, maybe back to the left some."

"Brice!! Seriously? Can't I just put the blanket down?"

My lip fell from my hold between my teeth and I busted out laughing, jogging into the yard, "I was just kidding." I laughed pushing his shoulder when I reached him.

"Oh, you're SO funny." He scoffed sarcastically and rolled his eyes but I saw the smile trying to pull on his lips.

I had woken up this morning with a severe headache and after Nick had drugged me up on asprin and cooked me pancakes, we decided it was talk time and that it would be held outside.

I grabbed the blanket from under his arm and he helped me spread it over the grass in my backyard. He kicked his shoes off, laying back on the blanket folding both arms behind his head.

I laid down and rested my head on his stomach, turning to look up at him. We laid in a calming silence for a few minutes, watching the clouds go by, Nick's breathing had gotten deeper and I thought he had fallen asleep until I heard his chest rumble, "So…"

"So…" I almost whispered, not knowing if I wanted to get into this conversation or not.

Nick must've picked up of the hesitance in my voice because he reached down, gently running a hand through my hair, "So, tell me everything I didn't get to hear over the phone…how'd finishing that 100 things book go?"

I sighed and stared up at the clouds, lazily blowing by. "Well, pretty good, I got a lot done." I pulled the small book from my back pocket and handed it to him. "Ask away."

He smiled and propped himself on his elbows, opening the book. I redirected my attention to the overly blue sky and the white clouds shifting in the morning sun.

I heard Nick laugh. "What?" I wondered turning my head to him.

"Ride a camel?" He chuckled, "Oh my god there's a picture! Brice!" He laughed, "I love that, you look so scared."

I smacked his arm, "Hey! It WAS scary, and the little dude was like, I take picture I take picture! Then made me pay 5 bucks for it."

He laughed, "Well, it's awesome."

I smiled lazily and hummed out a tune, letting my eyes wonder over the place I'd missed so much, noting every little thing that changed.

"Whoa whoa, why is get a tattoo checked off?"

I smiled to myself not bothering to look over at him and simply raised my right arm putting my hand closer to his face so he could see the word tattooed on my inner wrist.

He grabbed my hand, pulling it closer to his face, "What is it?"

"Vive…It means she lives in Italian."

"Your Italian."

"Mmhmm." I hummed.

He nodded. "So you got it because."

Ah the heavy subject.

I sighed and turned my head on his stomach so I could look at him.

"Alright, when I was younger—before I left—last year—when I felt threatened or hurt—I shut myself down—I was numb. The only way I could feel anything is when I hurt myself."

I looked away from him, not wanting to see his disapproving stare. It stayed silent for a few moments, tears coming to my eyes and I shut them tight, trying to hold them in.

"Then, your brother came along—" My voice cracked and I knew there was no holding back. "He tried to open up a brand new part of me and when I finally let him in, I felt something, and I didn't want to hurt myself anymore, because I had him, and he was worth living for." I choked, a sob pushing from my throat and echoing around us.

Nick quickly sat up and huddled over me, trying to wrap me in a hug, "Brice—you're worth living for—don't ever let anyone tell you any different."

I nodded but continued to cry, while he tried his best to calm me down.

Once my sobs had died down into soft whimpers, Nick laid back down, continuing the comforting stroked through my hair.

He sighed after a while and his voice came out soft and low, "He kept your house in perfect condition." He almost whispered, "Every week, he'd come mow the lawn and pull weeds and dust everything down, just in case you came back."

Well there was no stopping the tears now, "He did?" I barely choked out.

"Yeah," He bit his lip, "but the more time that went by, he wasn't that into it, but he still did it."

I sighed, trying to take it all in. This didn't make sense, he was preparing for me to come home, which meant he still cared, he wrote about me staying away and then yelled at me about how I ruined everything. So he still cared, but he didn't want me.

I was confused.

"And the music?" I asked wanting to get straight to the point.

"He had to get what he was feeling out somehow Brice…I mean you left, what'd you expect him to write? A love song?"

I felt a burning in my chest, Nick's words stung and I know he was just telling me the truth but as the saying goes, the truth hurts. More silent tears rolled down my face. Also, through this whole ordeal, Nick had pretty much been on my side, trying to cater to me, which was ultimately turning him against his brother.

"And I didn't tell you because that would've just brought you down…so I didn't say anything, it's not my place anyway, when we're together, it's not Joe time."

I stayed silent, trying to process in my mind everything he said.

"I'm sorry, Brice—I just—he's—"

"No." My voice cracked, "He's your brother, I hurt him…you have every right to be mad at me."

"I'm not mad. I just don't want to take sides here. You were wrong for leaving like you did, I mean the way you left, not the actual leaving, you needed that—I understand. But, he did some things and said some things that weren't necessary and when Jeremy came—"

I felt my heart drop, "What the fuck?" I sat up, "Jeremy?" I gulped my heart racing in my chest.

Nick's eyes went wide and he sat up too. I didn't mean to—that just slipped out—ah shit—this wasn't supposed to be discussed."

"What?" I asked frantically, "What happened?"

He inhaled sharply and glanced nervously at his house. "Well, once we got back around here towards the end of the tour, we were able to come home more often. We were staying in the L.A. apartment because we were recording." He sighed again and looked up at me, "I don't know if I should—"

I glared at him, "Nick." I warned, my voice stern.

He looked down at his hands, almost defeated. "Joe had come out here to check up on your house and everything and he got home, his knuckles all bloody and his clothes dirty, and a black eye. Of course me and Kevin freaked, and when he finally calmed down, he told us while he was at your house, Jeremy showed up. So Joe practically beat the shit out of him. I don't know what was said exactly or anything—Joe was too worked up—so…"

"Oh my God." I barely whispered.

Nick shrugged, "He never came back and Joe's never said anything else about it."

"Oh my God." I repeated.

I let the new information sink in for a while and saw Nick pick up the 100 things book that laid forgotten on the blanket. He thumbed through it his brow furrowing every once in a while, reading what I'd been up to and looking at the pictures to document it.

"26 things." Nick's voice rumbled in his chest.

"Hmm?" I asked turning to him.

"You've got 26 things left to do."

I smiled and nodded, loving that after the intense snippets of conversation we had just had, we could bounce back like this.

"Well 5 involve another country, 3 require you to be over 21, 2 involve snow, 1 an airplane, and 6 highly embarrassing things I refuse to do with you. So that leaves 9…let's knock 'em out."

"I was just going to take 'em as it comes—"

"Non sense!" He stood up, his voice booming. "Come on…first off, #34: Responsibility. I have the perfect idea."

"Nick, you really don't have to, I wasn't even on planning—"

"Let's go let's go!" He called, already at the back porch.

I sighed and pulled up the blanket, leaving it on the swing on the back porch, following Nick around the house and to the driveway where my car was parked.

"Alright, I drive, you ride. This is going to be awesome."

--

"I don't know Nick." I felt my eyes hanging with worry, "I mean, how is this responsible."

"Hello? This screams be responsible! You have to take care of it, you're in charge of it's well being." He smiled, handing me the small puppy. "And he's cute."

I grinned at the small beagle puppy in my arms. "I guess he is kind of cute." I scratched his ears, watching his eyes slide shut.

"So Brice the responsible one?"

I smiled and nodded, "Check it off the list."

--

Three hours and way too much money spent on puppy products, we pulled up back at my house. It had already turned dark outside and all the lights were flickering on around the lake.

Calvin, my key to responsibility laid asleep in my arms, one his huge ears flopping over his eye. I chuckled and grabbed as many Petco bags, letting Nick get the others.

We padded into the house and I set up the new bed and unwrapped all the toys for Calvin.

"Thanks Nick." I grinned after setting the small puppy down on the bed, "For everything. I just wouldn't be—you know—just thanks." I sighed.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me. "Anything for you, Brice, you know that."

I grinned into his shoulder and nodded, because I did know that and I was more than happy about it.


End file.
